I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better – Part 3 (pages 127 – 178)

Monica Heisey- I Can't Believe-final cover -april 2015The Word On The Street’s Book Club discussion of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better continues!

This week, book club leader Michele has questions based on pages 127 – 178.

Coming Up
Part 4: (pages 179 – 231)
“S-E-X-X-X and Love” and “Our Modern World”


3rd Section: (pg 127-178)
“On Female Friendship, aka Everything” and “Fashion”

1. While we are now separated by continents and oceans, I met my first friend on the first day of junior kindergarten 30 years ago, and we still amazingly keep in touch and send birthday gifts to each other every year. Can you remember the very first female friendship you had? When/how did you meet, and do you still keep in touch?

2. It can be said that female friendships are more complex and multi-layered, while guys and their male friendships tend to be more casual. Do you agree, or disagree – and why do you think that is?

3. Heisey opens the Fashion section with a funny, yet poignant, look at “dressing to flatter your body”. I’m sure many of us are guilty of doing just that, but she brings up a good point on why we follow that and why some people choose to just wear what they would like to wear. Do you agree with that sentiment, and do you follow that way of thinking when it comes to your wardrobe?

4. In one of the many humourous quizzes within the book, Heisey identifies some of the fashion mistakes of her past. Hindsight is 20/20, so looking back, what are some of your fashion faux pas?

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7 thoughts on “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better – Part 3 (pages 127 – 178)

  1. 1. I can’t remember the girls I was friends with in kindergarten (just the boy I had a crush on). I suppose one of the earliest female friendships I remember having would have been a couple years after that. We met at school, but, after I changed schools in grade three, we fell out of touch. Haven’t talked to her since then.

    It’s also possible that my first female friend was my neighbour. She and I hung out a lot when we were young. I also haven’t talked to her in well over 10 years.

    Although! Now that I really think about it, I think my first female friend was probably my cousin. We are only two months apart in age and spent a lot of time together growing up. She and I, thankfully, are still very much in touch with each other.

    2. I disagree with that. I think the perception is that males have less complex or layered relationships with their male comrades, but I think that is an unfair assessment. Though male-male friendships may look or present differently than female-female friendships, I think that men are just as capable as women of having complex and really dynamic relationships with people of the same sex.

    3. I mean, I wear clothes that fit and that I think look good on me, but I’m not sure that’s the exact same thing as “dressing to *flatter* my body”. I certainly have outfits that I think are especially flattering, but on a day-to-day basis, I just try to wear clothing that fits and that I feel good in.

    4. I honestly don’t know and don’t really care to remember. Fashion isn’t really an important part in my life and I don’t spend much (if any) time thinking about what is and isn’t chic.

  2. 1. Besides family friends, my first real friend was someone I met in kindergarten. We don’t really keep in touch, because I moved to a different city, and also she tricked me into taking the fall for something bad that she did but then again we were really young back then, oh well.

    2. I think male friendships can be just as complex and multi-layered as female friendships but I really like it depends more on the individuals themselves.

    3. I generally just wear whatever I feel like, and in my opinion if it happens to flatter my body then that’s just a bonus no?

    4. I had so many fashion faux pas and I am eternally grateful that I rarely allowed myself to be photographed when I was younger because all the photos would make me cringe; also thank god social media wasn’t a thing back then. haha

  3. 1. Apart from my sister, one of the first female friendships I made was in elementary school. We did our best to keep in touch over the years, which was easier through high school and university. I found that our values changed a lot over the years. Living in a smaller city, she was more focused on marriage and having a family, where I was more focused on career and figuring out who I was as an individual. Through these changes in values, I think we eventually grew apart. I do miss her a lot, but I’ve learned that people come and go…

    2. It’s hard to say either way, being a female and not privy to the inner workings of guy friendships! But if I had to choose one way, I’d have to say that male friendships can be just as complex. My boyfriend has some amazing friendships with people he met in high school. They’ve experienced so many things together, and have gone through ups and downs, just as us ladies have! I think men have an easier time letting transgressions go, and not taking things personally.

    3. I like to go for a little of both! I like to wear things that both flatter my body type and are pieces I love. It’s taken me many years to figure out what looks and feels good. I’ve also recently come to the enlightening thought that more clothes aren’t necessarily better. Having a few items that I love and I can mix and match works great for me.

    4. Oh god… so many to choose from. I feel most embarrassed about what I wore on the late elementary school/early high school cusp. Growing up on a small town we didn’t have many fashionable clothing stores. My mother encouraged me to shop at Northern Reflections which meant lots of things with animals on them: bears, ducks, rabbits. Oh, and there was that year that I wore front-pleated, tightly tapered school uniform pants. Ew. Boy’s uniform pants were the way to go.

  4. 1. My first female friends were the daughters of my mother’s friends. While my mother still keeps in touch with their families, we don’t. I ran into one of them in university and we’re facebook friends now, but I don’t think any of us have much in common anymore. I have another friend from early elementary school that I’m still very close with.

    2. I disagree; I think everyone is capable of having complex relationships and it really just depends on what you’re looking for in a friendship. Stereotyping types of friendships based on gender doesn’t help anyone.

    3. Like Heisey, I grew up watching What Not To Wear and reading fashion mags and internalizing a lot of messaging about dressing for your body type and whatever else the fashion industry has been doing to try to make women feel bad about their bodies. I’ve been trying to unlearn that and dressing how I like to dress, rather than necessarily following trends or hiding my “problem areas” or whatever.

    4. There was a time several years ago when looking at photographs of my fashion sense as a kid and teen made me cringe. Now it doesn’t bother me because I was just expressing myself. One thing that I really loved was shiny silver material (I think this was at a time where The Spice Girls were also wearing it) and I have a photo of me dressed head to toe in it; I felt great wearing it at the time, so why should I criticize it now?

  5. 1. I’m sure I had female friends earlier than grade 3, but I can’t remember much earlier than that in my life. So, the earliest one I could remember was in grade 3. I didn’t know much about her because I had quickly moved away and I don’t anything about her now. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve thought about her in years.

    2. I do agree to some extent and I think it’s because guys think that it somehow emasculates them to talk about sensitive things and emotions. Even when they start getting into deep conversations, they are quick to laugh it off and dismiss it, afraid of appearing to emotional. That is not to say that they aren’t capable of having these types of friendships. If they let themselves develop such connections, I don’t think gender really plays that much of a factor. I’m definitely not someone to show much emotion to others but I have a select few people that I’m comfortable doing that with and all of these people happen to be females.

    3. I have never been into trends and fashion because it’s just too much effort to find clothes to wear in that way. I just look for sales and try clothes on. If they fit well and look relatively nice, I buy it. Not much science and thought behind it more than that. It’s kind of why my closet is kind of boring, but it’s satisfactory.

    4. Oh my gosh, I was so into the tank top/tee shirt layering that all the Disney channel stars were into a decade ago. And bejewelled boot cut jeans. Lots and lots of chokers and colourful hair extensions.

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